Heaven Help Us – Put romance back in your marriage
By Corrie Lynne Player
When I look back over the 54-plus years of my marriage, remembering the challenges and the joys, I wonder why we’re more in love today than we were in 1965, when so many of our friends, and even our family’s marriages have broken under the stresses of life.
Because marriage is the most important of all human relationships, it’s under attack from all sorts of directions. Gay rights activists have been successful in having their liaisons given the same status and credibility as that relationship which brings children into mortality and nurtures the fate of nations. Social services agencies and government entities, in the name of political correctness, have made dissolving a marriage only slightly more troublesome than quitting a job. Couples live together without bothering to get married and think nothing of bringing children into temporary households. The impact of this skewed thinking is incalculable.
It’s no wonder marriages fail, but if we’re going to avoid a collapse of our civilization similar to others in ages before us, we’d better figure out how to strengthen and stabilize marriage between a man and a woman. As many experts have said, “the greatest good you can do for your children is to love their mother (or father).”
A couple of years ago, I bought Make Up, Don’t Break Up by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. Just recently, I shuffled through a stack of old magazines and found “Sweet Romance” by Karen Baunan in Woman’s Day, Feb. 17, 2004. She quoted from Loving Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay that Way by Susan K. Perry, PhD.
My reading and observations have led me to coin three “remembers” that need to be kept in mind:
• Remember to thank each other.
• Remember that your marriage is more important than either of you.
• Remember that you’re not roommates.
Any one of these points will help you rev up your marriage, and used together, they will fail-proof your marriage, even if things are a bit rocky right now.
Remember to thank each other.
This idea is so simple that many of us forget it. A “thanks” or “thank you,” accompanied by a smile and/ or a hug (depending on whether you’re expressing gratitude for his opening a door or folding six batches of laundry) will lift your spouse’s spirits. Everybody likes to be thanked, which means being noticed and validated. Gary never forgets to say “thank you” and I try to do the same. “Thanks” rolls easily off the tongue and adding “you” gives emphasis. Accompanied by a generalization, “Thanks, you’re sweet,” gives even more emphasis. But being specific about your thanks is the best of all. “Thank you for starting the car for me–it was such a treat to sit down in the warmth.” “Thanks for putting the clothes in the dryer.” “Thank you for bringing me lunch,” etc.
Life would be so much more pleasant and relationships would rarely deteriorate, if we would just remember to thank each other.
Next time, I’ll talk about remembering why you fell in love and focusing on your spouse.